As professionally trained salespeople, we enjoy what we do most of the time. But once in a while a prospect or even a client can say or do something that gets under our skin and causes us to feel crossed up. When that happens we can:

• enter our Child Ego State, respond from our inner Victim, and feel hurt, angry, or abused;
• enter our Parent Ego State and become a Persecutor or a Rescuer;
• or stay ADULT and realize we’re about to get drawn into a psychological game.

Recently a business owner visited me to discuss training for his company. I invited him to sit down and he replied: “I don’t need to sit, I only need you to tell me two things: What makes you think you are so good that you can help my people, and how much is this going to cost me!?”

WOW!  Not a whole lot of good answers to an opening like that. I took a deep breath to allow for time to think and realized I was being invited into a game.

Some reasons people play games are to elicit psychological strokes (positive AND negative), to justify their own life position (e.g. “I’m NOT OK, You’re OK”) or to get something they want, but are afraid to ask for. Most of us have played games at some point in life. Games hinder communication by enabling the players to avoid the real issues at stake and directing people&rsquo...Read More»